Wasting Away
by Cut-Wrist Kate
Summary: The human mind is very fragile, this story tell of how words can cause someone to waste away. Harry anorexic fic.


A/N: I got this idea during my nutrition class when we were learning about eating disorders and guys were mentioned once. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Isn't it amazing how a couple of words from your worst enemy can change your life so drastically? I'm dying now, I know why too. Sure my family helped get me where I am as well as Snape, but most of the blame lies with me. Me and my idiotic need to prove myself.

I tried so god damned hard to make my family proud but I was never good enough. I did all of the chores, I cooked all of my meals, I did everything and I still wasn't good enough. They barely fed me, three small pieces of stale bread a week. They told me that I was fat enough as it was; I wasn't worthy of their hard earned food.

I never believed them, not at first, not until my sixth year at Hogwarts. Ass usual, I went to school about 10-20 pounds underweight but it was different this time. My relatives had succeeded in breaking me a little bit more. I didn't think I was worthy of my friends' attention. I found myself in an abandoned compartment at the back of the train and I locked my self in. I locked everyone else out.

As I sat there for the seven hour trip I did nothing but think, I thought of school and how petty my rivalry was, I thought of the war and al I needed to do to save us and I thought of Dumbledore and the many times he had betrayed me As the train slowed to a stop I rushed off of it so that I may have a carriage to myself. I sat and thought; doubts began to needle their way into my mind. Doubts about myself. Maybe, just maybe the Dursleys were right and the only reason no one really liked me for the real me was because of my indescribable size. The doubts weren't large, just tiny whisper in the back of my mind. I pushed them away for the moment…

Then came the feast, they all rushed in like animals, people wanting to claim the best seats for themselves and their friends. I walked in slowly, eyes on the ground; I looked up every now and then to make sure I didn't run into anything or anyone. I took a seat at the end of the table closest to the doors. It was easier to escape that way. The first years came in the get sorted. I didn't look up, not once. I didn't clap, not once. I didn't listen, not once.

Dumbledore stood and gave his speech. It was the same as every year. The Dark Forest was forbidden as way dueling in between classed. Filtch had a new list of forbidden objects in his office and our new Defense teacher was some guy that used to teach at a private school of magic in Canada. Then of course came the famous last words. "Odment and Tweak."

Then the feast came. The smells of fat, grease and acids made me gag slightly before I could push the reaction away. It was to be expected, I thought, I had barely eaten enough for a mouse within the last two months. I took a very small amount of plain noodles on my plate and even then I could barely finish that. Again it was natural, I thought, I needed to stretch my stomach to the size of a normal one before I could start eating normal portions.

I managed to successfully evade the questions of Ron and Hermione until I reached the Common Room. They cornered me there. Literally. I entered fully intent on going straight to bed but when I turned to go to the stairs there they were. I took a step back but both of them took a step forward until I was pressed up against a wall.

"Where have you been? Why didn't you write? Why didn't you sit with us on the train, or the carriages or at the feast? We're your friends!" Came the shrill voice of Hermione. I began to shake my head.

"No Hermione, friends write, you didn't, and yes I know Dumbledore said not to. How can you expect me to write when I know I won't get a reply? I want to be alone Hermione. Alone means not sitting with you all the time, maybe not sitting with you ever. Just leave me alone, both of you."

Her eyes filled with tears while Ron's face turned red with anger. While they were in shock I took my chance to slip away and head up the stairs. I crawled into bed and spelled my curtains to stay closed and keep all the sounds in. I still suffered from nightmares and visions and because of that I tended to scream rather loudly at night. I have grown quite proficient at silencing spells.

I woke the next morning before everyone else and I was dressed and in the Common Room before the others had even begun to think about waking. I walked o the Great Hall and I was the first one there. Even before the professors, which, I suppose, is saying something in itself. I sat and did nothing. It occurred to me that I could have read or wrote but that did not appeal to me at the time. I sat and I sat and I sat. The food appeared as students and professors leaked in. I nibbled on a piece of toast that both felt and tasted like carpet. Ron and Hermione came in and sat away from me. Angry with me I suppose, ignoring me, I guess.

The first person in the room after me wasn't much of a surprise. I doubt the man gets much sleep. Professor Snape stalked in and a slight look of surprise crossed his face when he saw that he wasn't the only one in there. He sat and stared stonily around the room much like I did.

Professor Mogonigal handed out the Gryffindor timetables and I had Transfiguration first that day. I stood and left the room, heading towards the Transfiguration classroom. I went in and took a seat at the back farthest from the door. I sat and waited, staring out around the room until finally the others began to show up and class began. That day we were studying how to change a footstool into a lap dog. After she explained the theory behind it we were allowed to try it. I completed it correctly on my first try. Gryffindor got twenty points. Hermione glared, I guess I wasn't supposed to use all of the extra time I had in the summer to study. Mogonigal said that I could keep the dog because of my good work but I didn't. I merely turned it back into a footstool.

Charms went the same way, with me earning twenty points and I refusing the small token of appreciation form Flitwick about a student finally willing to continue studying through the summer. After charms we had History of Magic and I actually paid attention and took detailed notes. Then came lunch, which passed much the same as breakfast, with me staring out around me and eating in a trance. After lunch was double Potions. I was the first one in the room so I sat in my customary place at the back of the room farthest away from the door. Students trickled in bringing with them the mindless talk and gossip before Professor Snape came in stunning them all to silence. The glare that was customary stared us all down before he turned to the board to begin the lesson.

"Today we will be working with extremely volatile ingredients that can cause precarious situations if meddled with. It would be in your best interest top pay close attention if you value the present state of your genitalia. Now, the potion we will be brewing is called Mauvoirs. Can anyone tell me what it does?" When I raised my hand he raised an eyebrow. "Well, it seems that Mr. Potter has deemed my class worth reading about. Well, Mr. Potter, what does it do?"

"When brewed correctly it will show all present the brewer's worst memory. The name in itself is a mix of two words. Mauvaise Memoires. Which is French for Bad Memories."

"Indeed Mr. Potter. Congratulations on finally doing something right. Now…"

His lecture continued until we began to brew. I did it perfectly and was the first one done but professor Snape had thought ahead. We were not to add the final ingredient, a single hair from the brewer's head, until everyone was done and even then e would decide whose potion would be the one tested. When finally everyone was done he stalked around the room until he reached my area.

"Mr. Potter will be testing his potion now. Add the hair."

I added the hair and our classroom changes into the kitchen at my Aunt and Uncle's house. There we saw my 'family' shoving the food on the table down their throat like filthy animals and I was kneeling at my Uncle's feet, head bowed in submission, when they had finished the y stood and left me to clean up. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until all the signs of the mess that had been there was gone. I then stood and walked into the living room where I once again knelt at my Uncle's feet. After half an hour the doorbell rang and I went to get it as was my duty. I showed the guest into the living room where I sat him down and left to make tea. I never looked the guest in the eye, it wasn't my right.

When I returned with the tea I served it then knelt once again at my Uncle's feet. I knew what our guest was here for. I know that I would be punished if I didn't kneel. They talked for a while before my Uncle stood and led the man to the master bedroom. I followed behind. The man sat down at the foot of the bed while my Uncle stood at the door, I stood in front of the man.

"Strip." Was all the man said. I swayed my hips slightly while I first took off my overly large shirt then pants and that was it. I wore no boxers or socks because I wasn't allowed. I stood naked before the man as he watched me hungrily.

"Lie on your back on the bed. Spread your legs for me like the whore that you are." I did as I was told. The man took off his pants but that was it. He shoved into me without preparation and I had no reaction. I wasn't supposed to have a reaction. He fucked me dry for what felt like hours before he came. He stood up and put his pants back on before turning to my uncle.

"I will come again only if he looses at least twenty pounds." That is when it happened, the scene flashed to at least 80 other men say the exact same thing to my uncle until finally the classroom returned to normal. I bottled my potion and packed away my stuff in silence while everyone else stared in shock I stood and put the sample on the professor's desk and I turned to leave. Before I could make it to the door, however, Professor Snape grabbed me and pulled me into him. Flush against him I looked down before looking up into his eyes.

"I understand what you want Sir but professor or not your going to have to get an appointment should I give you my Uncle's address? Just tell him what you want oh and the password is Lithium. You should use the password as your name, he tends to put you on a waiting list unless you tell him exactly how much you are willing to pay, but, at the moment, I have to go." I tried to leave.

"Not so fast Mr. Potter. I will write no such letter." His face turned into a malicious smirk. "Until you loose at least twenty pounds. The resemblance between you and your Uncle is far to large for someone of my tastes." He let me go. I walked away. I didn't go to supper I went right up to the Common Room and did my homework until people got back from supper. Apparently news of my summer jobs spread fast because the moment people began entering the Common Rom the looks they threw me just screamed slut and whore. I finished my charms essay and went up to bed.

The next day passed much the same as this one did. I went to breakfast and I stared at nothing the entire time, the only difference was this time I ate nothing. Snape got to me and broke my last thread top rationality. At that time I truly believed that people would love me if I lost that twenty or so pounds. I went to my classes and did the work. I was the class genius now and Hermione hated me for it. The difference was that I never looked anyone in the eye, when I raised my hand you had to be looking to notice it. That and right after diner I went to the Room of Requirement and I found a gym. I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could. I didn't stop until my legs fell out from under me. I then went to the bathroom to shower before going to the Common room to sleep.

No one really noticed, not at first. They didn't notice that I was never seen outside class, that I never ate and barely slept. To tem I was a ghost that had a single purpose. Kill HIM. It took the school's wonderful faculty until November to realize that I was loosing weight at an unnatural rate. Luckily for me they thought it was a side effect of a growth spurt. They conveniently disregarded the fact that I was still shorter than everyone in my year.

I started skipping meals all together in favor of running in the Room of Requirement. As the weight dropped off my state of mind worsened. Instead of stopping at twenty pounds I continued above and beyond that. I kept running and starving myself until I lost thirty then forty by the time I lost forty-five pounds I was only sixty-five pounds in total but every time I looked in the mirror I saw myself as fat as Dudley. Finally one day on my way up from the Potions lab I collapsed from exhaustion. Eventually someone found me and brought me to the infirmary.

I've been here for two months. They can't force-feed me so I am slowly wasting away. They say I have about two weeks to live before my heart gives out from the strain. You'd think it would be Ron and Hermione that are permanently glued to my bed but it's not. It's Snape. He is irrevocably convinced it's his fault I got this bad. Which in reality, I suppose it is. I don't blame him though. He couldn't have known how fragile my mental stability was.

So now I lay here dying and sadly the only thought in my mind is that I wish I could have lost that extra five pounds.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Harry Potter Dead?

Harry Potter the supposed chosen one has died early today from a muggle eating disorder by the name of anorexia. In short it is when someone starved himself or herself to loose weight. The question on everyone's mind is…who will save us from You-Know-Who now…

A/N: Tadaa. Read and review please.


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